Bleary-eyed, I wander down to my husband’s man-cave, the room plastered in wall-to-wall slate, a bathroom that he’s adopted as his own personal spa. I’m on a teeth-whitening mission to find his gargle, that in 60 seconds, promised to make me gleam like the hood of a white Bentley. As I’m rooting around in his square, wicker basket, the repository for all things Man, I come upon a little, orange tube. It’s girly. It’s definitely not mine. I had a moment akin to the B-movies where the girl finds a strange earring in the bed.
It’s a Men Expert from Loreal, an under-the-eye cream for reducing puffiness. I’m impressed. I’m chagrined. I give Rog grief about his puffy eyes, the result of late-night X-boxing with hi
s on-line crew. I should get better abt keeping my mouth shut. It’s not like he’s been scratching around like an ally-cat in the late of night. Like a cat, I get a curiosity of the other items hidden in his magnificent pile of man-junk.
I find not one, but 7 hair gel foams. This is funny to me. I have 1 type of shampoo and conditioner, one type of hair gel, 1 type of straightening cream–just 1 of the necessities. I know what works, I stick w/it, and since it’s spendy, I use every last drop, eeking out the final morsel of goo. Even then, I roll, push, stop and prod the very essence of ointment before I get my butt out the door to buy more. Rog, who cherishes each strand of delicate, fine hair on his head, has a….problem.
Thrilled that I can out him to the world, I load up the gel in my arms and start trapsing up the stairs, quiet as the mouse the night before Christmas (before our cat ate it). He comes around the corner…”Don’t make fun of me on your blog,” he pleads, his eyes puffy. This is pre-Men Expert I see.
“The world needs to know your secrets,” I contend. After all, he makes the most of his hair, literally doubling the thickness by his goopy concoctions. The miracle of his process is his hair doesn’t look gooy at all. It’s looks eternally wet, dry or normal, depending on the external conditions.
He cocks his head one side, says “stay there,” and returns with another bottle of goop. “This is the really good one, and puts another one on top of my load. “Do you use all these?” I ask. He nods, and wanders to his man cave for his morning relief.
World, this is is secret stash
1. Beadhead for Men, Pure Texture Molding Paste
2. got2b glued styling spiking gel
3. Spiker water resistant styling gel by Joice, in 2 sizes, large and travel
4. Beadhead Cocky Thickening paste for fuller looking hair (funny, Amazon doesn’t show this. hmmm)
5. Paul Mitchel firm style dry wax
6. Paul Mitchel flexible style Re-Works texture cream (the one he says is tops)
Last but not least, I found a tongue scraper that he swears by (ok, not really swears, but appreciates. I don’t care what he uses after a night of Doritos, pizza and who knows what, as long it kills all that’s growing on a part of his body that I must encounter). A bottle of Burberry cologne was hidden at the bottom of the box. I put it right on top. He must smell good when he walks out the door with that perfectly coiffed hair. His little secret safe with me…and you…and you….and you….