When I was eight, I had to spend the night in the same room as my great-grandmother. The attic bedroom was so small, the two twin beds nearly touched. As we prepared for bed, I turned in time to catch my g-grandmother in her slip, her arms above her head, and what looked like flaps of clothe hanging down past her chest. Years later, after she’d passed away, my mom disputed my recollection of g-grammy, until I told her what I’d seen.
“Those were batwings,” mom said, noting she wasn’t talking about the kind purchased at a wings joint. Thus begat a phrase that heretofore, had been blessedly absent from my life. It was then and there I determined never, ever, in this world or the next, to have the thin, translucent, sagging skin hanging dow
I only like the kind of wings attached to a plane
n from the twelve inches from elbow to shoulder. Note that most require some type of arm movement. Since I use weights throughout, the side benefit is nice, lean arms w/no sag. Thankfully, the fitness world offers a pluthera of solutions to bat wings, including videos showing the best exercises for bat wings.
Mom thinks the whole saggy-skin thing has more to do with our Swedish skin than a lack of collagen. So it is with another favorite subject: chin hair.
G-Grandma, bless her heart, could have been a Viking she had so much hair. In fact, I probably could have French-braided the grey strands. That preceded yet another promise—I would never, ever let myself get so lax that I had chin hair.
So it was that Rog came up to me, his thumb and forefinger going for my chin, I lift up my chin, ready for a great, romantic plant on the lips. Instead, he closes his fingers around something I can’t see, gives a pull, I scream, and out comes a hair nearly an 1/2 inch long. (I hope you’re laughing. You should be laughing. I was mortified).
“Wait! There’s more!”
Before he can make a second pluck, I run to the bathroom, get the tweezers and go to town. I’d heard women grow hair underneath the chin with the onset of menopause, but I actually started getting it in my mid-thirties. Oh, so sexy.
“Stop eating the pasta!” he yells from downstairs. The old wives tale about pasta and hair growth. Ever wonder why Italians are so hairy? Pasta. Something about the process stimulates hair growth-or so it goes. Me? I’ve gave the stuff up.
Guess what else I learned? Some medications cause facial hair growth–things like estrogen and pain relief medication that have steroids do it as well. Then their is hirsuitism, that happens when a woman has high levels of testosterone, which also results in facial hair. Then hypertrichosis
is when a woman doesn’t have anything to do with hormones but is caused by other conditions, like anorexia. Last but not least, birth control bills, Dilantin and Minoxidil, the latter used by women to prevent thinning of the hair, get the side benefit gaining hair in unwanted places.
The good news is that both batwings and chin hair can be managed; one through exercise, the other through plucking. Lots of options exist for chin-hair
, from laser to ointments. I found this creepy before and after photo of laser hair removal
. I’m cheap, and tweezing is easy. It’s just a little hard to see, when it’s under my chin, and I have to use a mirror. Honestly, Rog is a lot better at seeing that stuff, although it’s beyond mortifying to have him look. In fact, it’s as bad as having to look on his back for, you now, “owies.” Go with my motto: my arms must be smaller than my husband’s, and my chin needs to have less hair.